Complications
by neverbe
Summary: [MS] I'm tired of pretending, Stella.


**Disclaimer: I don't own CSI:NY or anything related to it except a t-shirt I bought at the CBS store. :P **

**  
Complications**

Stella taps twice on Mac's office door. He looks up from a file and sees her through the glass.

"Come in," he says.

She walks in and stands in front of his desk, arms crossed, and he figures she's just there because she wants his advice on a case or something, so he offers her the chair that's in front of her anyway.

But she doesn't accept and just shakes her head. She's fed up. She's straight and to the point. "Aren't you tired of this dance, Mac?"

He doesn't even need to think before he blurts out a yes.

"Then why are we still doing it?"

Now that one he needs to think about.

He leans back in his chair and looks down at his hands. "I don't know, Stel, it's just…complicated."

"Complicated. You know, I can't think of any complications other than _you_, Mac."

She has a point there. Not like he'd ever admit that to her, but, like he said, it's complicated.

"Stella. . ."

The conversation is headed the wrong way and they both know it. Contrary to what she says, there areseveral complications. He'll make up some excuse involving his dead wife and she'll tell him for the hundredth time that he needs to let go. And neither of them want to go there again, so she stops him before he goes any further. "No, you know what, Mac? I shouldn't have even brought it up. Forget it." With that, she walks out, feeling slightly disappointed at the turn of events. He just has to be so damn stubborn. But then again, it's Mac Taylor she's talking about, and she should have expected it.

He looks around the office, which now feels strangely emptier, and sighs, going reluctantly back to his file. Work, of course, is priority.

They don't come in contact again until after shift when he shows up at her apartment.

"Wow," is the first thing she says when she opens the door. "I'm surprised you're not still at work, Mac!" She smiles brightly, showing him her watch. She's in a considerably brighter mood than before.

"Yeah, I was…thinking about what you said earlier."

"And?"

He leans onto the doorframe, not meeting her eyes. "And I'm tired of pretending, Stella. Tired of pretending it's complicated when it's not, tired of pretending I didn't see you disappointed when I told you I didn't want to take off my wedding ring yet, among other things."

She looks down. "Oh. So you noticed that, huh?"

"I'm a CSI, Stel."

She sighs. "Are you ever going to take it off, Mac?"

"One day," he says, awaiting her reaction. After a pause, he adds softly, "You think I still can't let go."

"Can you?"

"For you or for me?"

That one stuns her for a moment. There is something accusatory about his tone, like he's cornering a suspect in interrogation, and whatever answer that suspect comes up with will put him away, either way. Stella feels like that suspect. If she says him, he'll know she was lying or she wouldn't have shown up at his office in the first place. If she says her, well, that would be a bit selfish, she thinks. For both of them, would be the best answer. But she knows it's not her place to say that. She changes the direction of the conversation before he can assume her answer. "You're the one who showed up here, Mac, so why don't you tell me what you _expect_ me to say? And don't you dare tell me it's complicated," she says sternly.

He lets the ghost of a smile cross his face and glances down at his left hand, the gold wedding band glinting in the light from inside. Stella looks at it as well. "She would have wanted you to move on, Mac. I'm saying this as a friend. You're closing off from everyone. You're closing off from _me_." She puts a hand on his shoulder. "You need to let her go. For you."

He nods slightly, fingering his wedding band. But he can't bring himself to take it off. He still can't fully accept the fact that Claire is gone. "I don't know, Stel," he says softly. His hand drops to his side as he looks up at her sadly. "There wasn't a body. There wasn't anything that can _prove _she's really dead…" He was grasping at straws now.

"Or that she's really alive. Besides the fact that she hasn't come home yet. It's been _four years_. Come on, Mac. And with all that debris from the towers. . ."

The cold, hard truth of her words stings him; she's right.

Mac is silent.

And it suddenly occurs to Stella that they are still standing in her apartment door. "Look, why don't you come in, have some coffee and take a load off. It's been a long day."

He nods. She steps back and he steps in, plopping down automatically on her couch. She goes into the kitchen to make some coffee.

When she comes back, he's still sitting in the same spot, and when he goes to reach for the mug she hands him, there's no ring on his finger. She decides to let him explain on his own, and just smiles to herself and sits down beside him.

"Thanks for the coffee, Stella," he later says.

"Anytime, Mac."

He stands up. "I should get going."

She looks up at him. "Somewhere you gotta be?"

He takes his time in replying. "Yeah. There's…someone I have to say goodbye to."

There's an awkward pause until she finally says something, looking at him uncertainly. "I hope I didn't..."

"Nah," he replies quickly. "It's been a long time coming. You just helped me see what was already there."

She gives him a half-smile as he walks toward the door. "See you tomorrow, then?"

"Yeah. See you tomorrow, Stella."

And he leaves without another word, closing the door lightly behind him.

It might not be so complicated anymore.

**The End.**

-- So.. What did y'all think? I'm still not sure if I like it myself. Just trying to help raise the population of SMACked fics. :P


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